febfeminashido

sixpenceee

A skillful display of an unusual instrument: The Theremin. An electronic musical instrument controlled without physical contact by the performer | source

music women's art technology

zlatan-dreams

only-tiktoks

melonsap

For those worried about the crew having to do a whole job just for one person, flight staff only get paid for time they're in the air; if he'd cancelled, they wouldn't have gotten paid for zip.

So in other words, he gave them an easy day where they can spend most of it on break, and also airplane staff should unionize.

memendoemori

Also the plane likely has to get to NC somehow so you might as well have fun with it

stories airplanes video tiktok

maslows-pyramid-scheme

willowcrowned

not joking I would kind of like to brutally murder whoever thought it was a good idea to take away clicking on a person’s name to see their reblog and make it borderline impossible to get to the original version of a post without spending ten minutes scrolling with ctrl f

tumblr PLEASE

zlatan-dreams

letsboldlygomotherfuckers

why do we bother with I hate my partner jokes when your boss is right there

letsboldlygomotherfuckers

I love my wife. my boss though? that ball and chain??

letsboldlygomotherfuckers

do you understand my vision

letsboldlygomotherfuckers

placeholdername69

Oh this is too fun

leatherleaves

Bestie, your brain, your VISION, ahead of your time

jokes misogyny rad memes

ms-revived-frogs

srsfunny

internet culture self improvement wholesome

sweetslemon

What abusers believe.

missmentelle

If you’ve ever had to deal with an abusive person in your life - like an abusive parent or partner - you’ve probably wondered what made them treat you that way. If you understand why abuse is happening, the thinking goes, you might be able to figure out how to make it stop.

So why do abusers do what they do? Do they have anger issues? Drinking problems? Past trauma? Personality disorders? Do they just need to get in touch with their feelings and learn how to communicate better?

Nope.

Abusive behaviours come from abusive beliefs. Abusers - whether consciously or unconsciously - hold specific beliefs about relationships that drive their behaviour and allow them to justify the horrible things they do. Even if your abuser has never put their beliefs into words, you’ll probably recognize a lot of these abusive beliefs:

You are responsible for my emotions. It is never my responsibility to reflect on my emotional reactions or learn better coping skills - it’s your responsibility to stop doing things that make me angry or upset.
I must act on my emotions. If I am angry, I am going to lash out. You have no right to criticize me for that, and it’s not my responsibility to learn to manage my emotions - you have to stop making me lash out at you. Asking me not to act on my emotions is controlling and wrong.
You will always be responsible for my emotions. Even if the relationship ends, you will continue to be responsible for my emotions, and I will expect you to continue to prioritize my feelings.
If I have feelings about something, it’s my business. If something you do or think causes an emotional reaction in me, then I have a right to get involved or tell you what to do. My feelings must be the priority. You don’t have the right to tell me that it’s none of my business.
You must judge me on my intentions, not my actions. If I didn’t mean to hurt you or scare you, then you don’t have the right to be hurt or scared. No one has the right to try to hold me accountable unless I meant to hurt someone.
I get to decide what your intentions were. If you hurt me, you meant to hurt me. If you make me jealous, you meant to make me jealous. Nothing you do is ever accidental or unintended - everything you do is intentional and malicious, even if it was a response to something I did.
My feelings are genuine; your feelings are manipulation. If I’m upset, my feelings are real and important. If you are upset, you have an ulterior motive - you’re just trying to be manipulative and get attention or sympathy for yourself.
You have freedoms because I allow you to. Every freedom you have in your life - like wearing what you want - it’s because I generously allow it. I expect you to be grateful to me for that. I have the right to take those freedoms away whenever I want, and I expect you to obey.
If you set boundaries with me, you are mistreating me. If you really loved me, you wouldn’t set boundaries with me. You are doing this to intentionally hurt me, which means I don’t have to respect those boundaries.
You holding me accountable for hurting you is worse than me hurting you. My pain at being called out is worse than your pain at being mistreated. If I feel bad about something I did, I have already been punished enough. You trying to discuss the issue or hold me accountable is just your way of abusing me.
If I apologized for something, you have to forgive me. If the relationship has ended, you have to reconcile with me. You don’t get to ask for more time apart or more discussion of the issue - once I’ve apologized, the matter is closed for good.
The relationship is not over until I say it is over. So long as I want a relationship with you, you must have a relationship with me. Your feelings are irrelevant. Even if we have broken up, you must remain available to me so we can get back together in the future. Not wanting a relationship with me means you are mistreating me or being immature.
I am the authority in this relationship. I am smarter and more perceptive than you. I know what is best for both of us. My version of events is always the correct one. I have superior judgement, taste and opinions. If you question me or disagree with me after I’ve given you the correct answer, you are disrespecting and mistreating me, or you are simply immature and incapable of knowing what’s good for you.
I have the right to control you. It is my absolute right to decide what you do and who you associate with. You have no right to disobey me. I am owed obedience and control; if you don’t give me those things, you are wronging me and cheating me out of the relationship I deserve.
If you resist my control, I am allowed to do whatever I think is necessary to get it back. Once you’ve resisted me, I am justified in whatever I do to regain control of you. I am not responsible for my actions when you resist my control; you forced me to do it, and it’s your own fault.
I should be your main focus. Everything else in your life comes secondary to me. When you make decisions, my feelings should be your first consideration. You are expected to make sacrifices for me and put me at the center of your life; I am not obligated to do the same for you.
If I spend money on you or do something for you, you are in debt to me. You spending money on me or doing things for me does not erase your debt to me, and I am never in debt to you. You are indebted to me for as long as I decide. I may decide that your belongings and earnings also belong to me, since I allow you to have them. I may also decide at any time that you owe me for gifts I gave you, even if they were meant to be gifts.
I am not abusive, and you are not allowed to tell me otherwise. I know what abuse is, and real abusers are significantly worse than me. If our relationship has ever had any good times or positive moments, it can’t possibly be abusive. If you accuse me of being abusive, you are the one abusing me, or you have been led astray by bad influences.
Relationships should be effortless (for me). I am owed a relationship that is peaceful and requires no real effort from me. It is your job to make sure we have that kind of relationship. If there is any tension or conflict in the relationship, it is your fault, and you are depriving me of the relationship I deserve to have.

Abusers and victims alike often buy into the narrative that abuse is rooted in anger issues - after all, abusers are frequently angry, and anger is an issue that can be treated. But this narrative just isn’t true. Abusers aren’t abusive because they are angry. Abusers are angry because they are abusive.

A non-abusive partner is not someone who has learned how to control their rage whenever you spend time with your friends or get home 15 minutes late from work. A non-abusive partner just doesn’t feel any rage in those situations. An abuser’s rage is firmly rooted in their beliefs about relationships - they feel entitled to a relationship that meets their impossible expectations, and when they inevitably don’t get it, they bubble over with fury. Whether they know it or not, they have firmly entrenched beliefs about how relationships should be, and those beliefs are at the heart of their abuse.

Can abusers stop believing these things? Maybe. If they can acknowledge that they have these beliefs, accept that these beliefs are dangerous and unreasonable and let go of these beliefs, maybe it’s possible for them to no longer be abusive in the future. Maybe. But it’s not your job to hang around and find out. If you’re in an abusive relationship of any kind, you deserve better. There are many people in this world who don’t hold abusive views of relationships, and you deserve to find happiness with them.

whatbigotspost

I reblogged this before w/o adding any comments because it is just so good. But in the back of my mind I had wanted to highlight that if you, like me, were raised by an emotional abuser, you were probably taught a lot of these things are “normal.” They’re not.

That’s not your fault that happened. God, I really wish it never happened, alas being taught this stuff is sooooo commonplace. But, it very much our responsibilities as adults now to unlearn the toxic narratives that we did not consent to inheriting.

We can do it, too.

Read the list again. Read it any time you need it. The steer away from these beliefs. This stuff isn’t just about romantic relationships. We can be so much better than where we came from. I promise. ❤️❤️

abuse explanation bite model

andeverydayalittledeath

psikonauti

Lindsey Kustusch (American, b. 1982)

Where the poppies grow, 2023

oil on panel

women's art art birds spooky

male-class-treason

some-jw-things

Never let anyone tell you thinking is bad. Critical thinking is essential. Never blindly follow authority; that’s how the worst atrocities in the world were committed. You have a right to ask questions, and if someone tries to convince you you don’t, that’s a serious red flag If your beliefs are well founded, then asking questions and getting answers should reaffirm them, not threaten them. If all it takes to topple your belief system is actually sitting down and thinking about what is being said, then maybe those aren’t really your beliefs. You need to be able to ask questions

Edit: Radfems/TERFs/transphobes DNI. This post was made by a cult survivor, and I do not support anyone using it to call the LGBT+ community or trans community a cult.